Flaneur Memories are whips.
Today, this
,
now,
now ... We get to remember past events that we are better than at the time that happened, even though they had been made safe, unimportant. Today, any banal fact a phone call from the girl you like, a kiss on the cheek, a glass of spilled beer, dog shit in a square footprint, just becoming more important for the slow action of gnawing nostalgia, our useless apprehensive about what it was. We are caught in a chocolate tart scent of perfume that we used in birthday parties, to the tune of the song that helped us to support the torso for the first time in a couple of tits. Any previous event is better than the "now" that "this time." Everything seems to be gone. Today
so ethereal is a word that should not exist. Should erase minds and dictionaries, erase the universe. Today
is the result of our way to evoke memories. Destroy memories whips back until it was raw.
The photographs in old furniture store handle these whips. Stir drawers to find a certificate, an Allen wrench and wham! we came across these pictures sepia with broken corners, and we stared at her, stunned. Immediately, we activated the machine of longing, haunting sounds, aromas and textures with more intensity than they were when we lived those moments. Thus, the portrayal of life ends up being more real life. Why mourn at a picture and did not feel anything at the moment that picture was taken? Representation of the past because that contains both the absence and presence, reminds us of what is not and never will be.
One of these photographs capture my mind, today, at this time. Recently found myself lost in a drawer while looking for a healthy pair of socks. Had three or four years. No, three, was my first day of kindergarten. With what face had gone sour. There he was, along with Miguel, the two white dresses with our wings and our auras of cardboard. We were of angels on the truck through the streets of the neighborhood. That Sunday I woke up miraculously mother early to dress in the outfit he had sewn throughout the week. He wanted his son to be the cutest Easter parade. We take the bus at eight in the morning. During the trip, looking out the window, I took some crusting of the eyes and ate them. Mom slammed the back of his hand on my cheek.
- Disgusting!
We arrived at the church door. It was a huge carved oak gate, I still remember the dark side that flowed from the wood, also comes to mind the latch, which was bigger than my arm. I dreaded the latch, I dreamed that years later became an octopus hand around me neck. Mom grabbed my hand and looked at his watch. Snorted and lifted the flap of the jacket with your other hand. I wondered what we were expecting, but said nothing. Passed across ten or fifteen little children dressed exactly like me. Mom lowered her eyes and looked at me with tenderness, but with a tenuous cease nerves. The children went to the van with which we would turn the streets surrounding the whole neighborhood to appreciate the candor that the parish school boasted Cristo Obrero within its walls. They walked in line, taken from the waist forward, without touching the cardboard wings. I sat the aura or crown she held in her face because I pressed the curls. The white dress covered me from neck to feet, and timidly could see the black shoes, too much contrast with whiteness. Mom had tried for hours in vain to take the exact extent that I can not see their feet. Now I insisted that we had to stay there a while longer to wait for a new friend who had made at the school gate. I wanted to go after the little children, but said nothing. "Her name is Ana Maria," he said. I suppose you have called care for each hair color, by wearing a new jacket or another, earrings or some other superficial signs of those that are common in women, and will have been chatting cheerfully with that excellence to always talk show for women. I suppose it will have made good friends right away and surely, my mom will be invited home for coffee or tea. I guess that after having achieved sufficient confidence, have begun to talk about how they would like to have another child, the progress of cellulite, the last day I have had the rule and other appropriate topics, and logical-to speak out of a school.
By adjusting the silver cord around my waist, I turned to the wooden door, where he appreciated the faces of the celestial beings who had carved a dedicated woodworker, perhaps for years, so that the gates were as more similar to one that, up there, guarding San Pedro. All sides were practicing mortuary expressions. Wood's eyes were open but without iris brownish mere ball without direction, but if you fixed the longer view because in those eyes, their faces were becoming angry. I hosted a pleasure to watch them fearful fixed, trying to keep your eyes during the most minutes possible, until finally died of terror, and I could not take it away with short steps. That Sunday morning I tried again, and again turned to shock me. I hugged her mom's leg with terror.
- What's the matter, John?
The school was next to the church. It was ruled by the father Peter, a priest, he told countless times over subsequent years had preached throughout Latin America, Spain and even had shaken the hands of Paul VI. While there was a director, he was the real boss of the institution. He used to appear in person every Monday in every classroom, just after the start class and not caring to interrupt the discussion of how the bean sprouts or table of four, came in to reprimand the students who had not attended Mass the previous day. I was number since, because my mother used to fall asleep, had no car nor husband who prepare breakfast. Invariably, mine was the first name uttered. Should come forward, in front of me the forty-odd heads, and the clerk asked me the same tone of voice every Monday why he had not gone to mass.
"My mom fell asleep. Was my automatic response.
To which continued a sea of \u200b\u200blaughter and ridicule of all my friends, girls included.
The day was clothed angel had three years and by mother's mental storms, the severity of priests and teachers or the obligation to pull my chute by the bad guys, so high, so terrible slide-and thus began to shape the mouth tightening, that wrinkle the nose or shoulders up today I still identified in the photo where I go.
In the distance came the so Ana Maria with another angel by the hand. The woman ran dragging his kid.
"Forgive me, Claudia. Is that I fell asleep. Now I will not do breakfast to anyone. A Miguel only.
The women laughed knowingly.
In fact, next to the woman packed in tight jeans was Miguel. The boy looked at me defiantly, I stared at him awhile and then hung my view, or went away. We were dressed the same way and while this may be ridiculous for any adult, is not at all for a child, who are more concerned about other things, more important, and play is one of them. At least the other kids, not me.
As excited, let us go mothers hand and started talking and touching gestures wacky hair, first himself and then another. That release allowed us to get a bit more, he actually approached me. He looked angry, with his trunk furrowed brows and curled. Their wings were bigger than mine, but my dress was white. Without laps I issued a challenge: "Let's play
a race to the corner here.
The tone of the invitation he gave me no choice resulted. I do not know what to say. I grabbed her hand and took me under the staircase of the church. I stood beside him and extended his arm on the side to set the starting line, and also to ensure that both were in the same position. "When I count
three lengths.
Mom was talking to one side as if he had not spoken for years, probably clothing, dyes or menses with her new friend, the mother of angel without further delay, began: "One
.
I had never played the races. Suddenly I ran out of air, the neck of the white dress I adhered to the skin, the latch giant seemed to have transformed into a snake and I curled up in his chest. I did not know how to run to the corner, but did not know how not to run.
-Dos.
Miguel continued his outstretched arm, perpendicular to your body, and thus prevented me get ahead. But at no time I never thought such a thing. Shouted "two" with far more force that "one", and I could see how he opened the nostrils. He filled his little lungs with air. Declared:
- Three!
took a little hop and pushed me with his arm, which made me stumble backwards. He immediately ran to the corner desperate. There were only twenty yards to the goal, but at that age everything is exaggerated, and looked so distant corner like an airplane in the sky. I started running with my feet black. Miguel's legs sticking out with great agility in the white dress and it ran moving his little arms to be momentum. I had no choice but to start running too, but my strides were short, my lungs were smaller, because I lost the air immediately, I felt I could not breathe, my heart would break but just ran, I had to run. To top it off the white dress and wings hindered me stability. Later, Michael was about to reach the edge of the sidewalk. I stuck my tongue out, the air passing through the mouth left me tearing the throat. Suddenly, the white dress got me into the black shoe. I stumbled and fell like lead on the sidewalk. I shot several, the wings were broken, I was four or five 'CRACs', the white dress became gray, or black, I lost a shoe and rubbed his right elbow cement. Back to the scene, Miguel jumped for joy with the lineup of Slow school. He turned to celebrate his victory, but to me scattered, with one of my wings being washed out of the street, began to laugh out loud. He laughed in that way that only children can laugh, loudly, wildly, or at least that's what I used to watch the other kids, I never get to laugh at that. From the ground I could see him yonder in the corner, doubled over with laughter with his aura of wire and not on the head but as a necklace. Remained tended not even moan. The shouting drew the attention of the mothers, who are focused while speaking - certainly, the ridiculous clothes that other mothers "baby will not eat anything." Mom ran to me, but not to save, but angry. The toc toc of her shoes were more pronounced, approaching while shouting "I kill, I kill him!". I looked at my elbow and saw under the white cloth began to emanate something red. I felt very embarrassed that my mom saw it and cover it with your other hand. She came, I got up and started slapping me in the ass. Yes there began to mourn.
"Not that you give me more trouble, shouted rude shit, while I slap your ass wrapped in white cloth, or gray, or black. He picked up the broken wing and we went into the school hall. Passed across other angels holding my laughter, but the gunpowder exploded when one of them could not suppress a laugh and everyone started pointing fingers. Meanwhile, Michael's mother approached her son. I did not hear what he said, but warned that gave him a kiss on the forehead.
A couple of hours later we were all children up to the truck. Candid, happy, so innocent greeting parents, uncles and other neighbors, as the van traveled the streets of the neighborhood, Father Peter threw holy water at the crowd and sang a song that came unbearable expelled from an old speaker. Everyone was excited, looking for their parents, screaming tween. I stood at the edge of the truck, still holding my side stained red, and not moving too much to keep my mom dropped the alite emergency I had arranged with scotch tape. I remember I saw it happen to mom, alongside his new friend, hoping the passage of the float with your camera. Mom shot just when Michael gave me an elbow in the stomach for a place. Mama smiled as she used to smile, lifting the upper lip and wrinkling his nose, with the furrows of the forehead and the corners more pronounced. It did not seem at first glance a very sincere smile, but it was. I, however, what I have bitter face in this picture. But what can I do, I've never been much to smile.